Life ramblings

Hi.

Not much has been happening ... had a good weekend... Friday night went to a surprise bachelorette party and it was fun!! see http://www.dianaandron.blogspot.com/ for pictures! :) I"m in the bright pink shirt!! Ugh don't like seeing my bugles! :(

Saturday... just vegged all morning watched Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210 on soapnet...cleaned some... then I went to Family Fun Centre down in Tukwila.. to see Rayvon, my ex's daughter.... and it was good to see her. It had been 6 years since we talked... I can't believe that Sam, Darius, Rayvona and Raylance has grown up so much. Met little Rayona ... I guess Rayvon likes to name all her kids beginning with Ray. :)

Rayvon complains that she doesn't like Rita, Michael's current girlfriend since 2001. Oh well, she also said that she wishes that we had worked it out.. Oh well, so did i ..but i guess things happen for a reason. It has been 6.5 years since we broke up and I am ok. I have completely moved on .... and love my life now. There is absolutely no chance of us getting back together, ever. Now that I am over him, living my life, I think I can handle being friends with him, but the choice is his to be friends. I could care less.

He is basically a good guy, but everyone has issues, including him. He was an alocholic and I don't know if he still is. We did drugs together...... just way too much drama when we were together. The last two years I was unhappy because I did not feel like we had a real relationship. We never went out and done anything, always stayed home, used, slept, ate, etc.

He also couldn't be honest with me. We had broken up 3 times... so I think it is like..3 strikes you are out! We met 9/13/93.. first date 9/24/93.. he left me on 3/28/95.. (cheating).. we got back together 6/30/95.. broke up again on 10/25/95... bec he kept seeing this woman .. and I had offered him the opporunity to leave if he wanted to but he said he didn't want to ... soooo then that night he decided to leave. So that was sorta mutual.... then we were broke up for lil over a year... back together 12/4/96. (he married that woman on Aug 16 1996and they separated on Nov 96).. and he never told me this until his brother told me on April 1999... so that was how I found out.. and ever since, i had became unhappy ... and his daughter Rayvon had just came up in April 1999 the same weekend we were having issues... I told him that I now know that he is married .. and he looked like weight lifted off his shoulder and said that he was happy that i know now. i asked him why didn't he tell me? He said he was scared this would have turned into a fight? UGH! I wish he didnt keep this from me, because i dont appreciate being lied to especially all this time.

So since then.. things just had gone downhill... his daughter had left back to NO.. then moved up here in Nov 2000 and stayed with us. It was a very stressful time (I didn't mind her and family staying with us) because it was a difficult time as Michael and I were having problems..... so finally on Dec 29... he got very violent with me and I have had enough .. it was because he had taken almost all of his newly filled 60 pills of viocdin .... plus drinking so that made him pretty violent. I was so upset that I threw out the rest of the pills down the tiolet. and i went up to the doctor's office and confronted them! They claimed that the doctor likes to give a month's worth! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Stupid doctor!

Anyway ... we broke up for good on January 25 2001. We were still friends for most part. He helped me move ... then he moved in with me and we were trying to work things out and see about being together again but apparently Rita and Michael met... ... UGh.. Rita was my neighbor on the other side of my wall. He moved in with her.. nice, HUH!?? and it was like Melrose Place. I was glad when they moved in Oct. 2001...

So I haven't seen him since then and last time we talked was via relay on January 02.

Soo... all in all, I have been drug free for over 6 years now and loving it. I am happy ... loving my life, travelling alot more, repaired my credit, bought my own home and now struggling with my weight issues.

If he knows how well I am doing, being drug free, happy, I think he would be proud of me. He did want me to stop using, but it was hard with his drinking .. and my being unhappy in that relationship which made me turn to drugs to cover the pain.

Rayvon told me that she told him how great I looked, etc.. he laughed and doesn't believe her..but whatever LOL .. but then he said he is proud of me..mmmkay! whatever! LOL

I think he doesn't believe this is most likely because he doesn't see it.. plus I don't think he is attracted to me anymore just as I am not attracted to him anymore either. We fought so much that I'm sure that made us both unattractive... how do I know this, you ask? When I met and dated Eddie, I thought he was very very cute... and then when he dumped me, he was very cruel, and I found that he is ugly because of how he treated me when he dumped me. I am probably not attractive to Michael because of our issues in relationship, ya know? blah blah blah ..... He doesn't even have any pictures of me... but I still have some pictures of him, that it is somewhere around here and I look at them sometimes but it doesn't make me feel sad or anything.. just remembering him..e.tc... he is very hard to forget because of our time together, 1993 to 2001... a long time, eh? and basicially he is a good guy .. but we all have our quirks. He is a great cook, cleans house, etc... which i miss that LOL .. and oh yeah he did work which was a great quality in him. He didn't freeload off me which is a big plus. :)

Ok enough of remicising about him. I know we can.not get back together because there were way too many drama that I did not bother to go into this on this blog spot as I don't really want to talk about it, like my not trusting him .etc...

I don't want to be in a relationship where i can't trust a person. It is not good and not worth it, which was one of many reasons I was unhappy.

All in all, it was great to see Rayvon again and glad we got back in touch!

Remember to appreciate your partner, lover, etc.